


Fears

by NCISfan-28 (JaimiLee)



Category: NCIS
Genre: Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaimiLee/pseuds/NCISfan-28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I worry about not coming home and never seeing you and Amber again, about leaving you alone to raise her. I worry about something happening to you. I worry about her growing up without knowing her parents, one or either."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fears

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or its characters. Mistakes are mine.

The apartment was a lot quieter than they expected. The early hours of the morning were never a good time in their house hold. But all was dead silent except for the soft sounds coming from the TV when they arrived home.

Ziva slipped her backpack off her shoulder and along with her jacket as Tony simply dropped his backpack at the door while the young woman - Clare - from across the hall approached.

"Everything went okay?" Tony asked, his eyes following Ziva to the case they kept their weapons before disappearing down the hallway. She had been in a dazed state for a while. Ever since five hours ago when they finally caught their man. She silently completed her required duties and her paper work. The whole drive home she didn't utter one word to him either.

"Yeah, she was perfect. She went to sleep at about seven and woke up at ten, but hasn't woken up again since," Clare said. She wore a black jacket with a light coloured t-shirt accompanied by a blue skirt.

"That's good," Tony murmured, "I'm sorry about calling you over so early. The childcare isn't open on Saturday and we coul-"

"No, don't worry about it. I know you have jobs, important ones," She replied, "I don't know how you manage to keep your job and your family afloat."

"It's still early days. She is only a year old," Tony said as he reached into his pocket to retrieve his wallet. "It's not that hard, Ziva and I have an agreement, and with the exception of yesterday and tonight, it usually works." He handed her a generous amount of money to compensate for the early morning start and the late night finish.

"Just call me I anything else comes up. I'm going to be home all week so I should be available," She replied, taking the money, thanking him and then walking to the door before saying he goodnight. Tony replied with a soft smile.

The door shut behind Clare, leaving Tony to face the dim apartment before him. He sighed into the darkness.

It had been a long day. They were both called in early and only just knocked off work. The break in the case McGee and Gibbs found was too important to wait until morning and until the professional baby sitter arrived.

He traced her footsteps to where he could only assume she ended up. He leant in the doorway of the baby's room. At some stage of the evening, he had concluded that her change in behaviour was because she missed their daughter. It probably wasn't an ambiguous guess. It was a Saturday and they had plans, and they had a routine. Even he had to admit after all the year of developing the routine with Amber, one night of not doing it seemed wrong.

He watched as she softly spoke to the small mass covered in many blankets and suddenly his assumption seemed right.

"Are you worried about returning to work full time?" He asked. She jumped a little and looked over her shoulder at him, and that confused him, she would have heard his less than silent footsteps and the creaking floorboard squeak outside of the room. She would have had to know he was there.

"No," She murmured, "It is slowly becoming easier leaving her with the babysitter. I might not be here, but I know she is and I know the babysitter would not do anything without calling one of us first."

"You've forgotten the babysitter's name," He stated with a smirk.

"No, I am just tired," She mumbled.

Tony stepped up beside her, wrapping his arm around her and holding we close. "Don't worry about it; I forget her name sometimes too." He glanced down at their daughter. A small amount of dark hair covered her head falling across her forehead in loose locks of curls.

"So tell me, if you're not worried about leaving her, what are you worried about?" He asked after a heartbeat of a moment passed.

"Oh, Tony, you do not want to know," She said. She looked away from Tony, back down into the crib.

"Yes, Ziva. I do want to know," He replied, his voice sterner than usual.

She sighed, but refused to say anything. The sleeping Amber held her attention. Eventually she spoke, but she didn't take her eyes off their daughter. Taking comfort in the rise and fall of her chest and the quiet – barely noticeable – snores coming from her.

"I worry about not coming home and never seeing you and Amber again, about leaving you alone to raise her. I worry about something happening to you. I worry about her growing up without knowing her parents, one or either," She said.

To that, he had no reply. He'd have been lying if he said that he didn't have the same concerns. He knew he needed to say something though, but nothing came forward that didn't sound like he was trying to sooth her worries, because he knew that that wouldn't happen.

But he took too long to decide on the right words. "You think I'm crazy, yes?" She stated.

"No," He replied, "I think you're being a Mom."

"Today was close," She whispered, her voice becoming thick and her accent more prominent.

"No, it wasn't," He replied, his voice steady.

"What do you classify as close then," She hissed, "I have been involved in more than a few close calls, Tony."

"Shh," He replied in a hushed whispered as he saw Amber stir in her sleep. "Let's not wake her tonight. I think we all need some sleep," He added as he held her upper arm and pulled her from the small, brightly coloured room.

"It wasn't close because no one sustained life threatening injuries," Tony told her, leading her to their room.

"McGee was shot," She replied, shrugging from his hold.

"Yeah, in the arm. He'll be out of action for a few we-"

"I was next to him," Ziva said, "If he had aimed that gun a few more inches to the right, he would have got me. And it wouldn't have been likely to hit my arm."

"You need to stop worrying about what hasn't happened," He stated.

"But it might."

"Might isn't definite. Ziva, we have protocol for a reason. We - as a team - have measures in place too to make sure that Amber won't grow up without both her parents. I can't tell you that we'll be okay tomorrow, or Monday, because I just don't know," He said, "If anything, this job has told me not to worry about the future because we don't know what will happen tomorrow."

"You don't think I know that? I have lost my entire family," She snapped as she dropped heavily to the bed.

"And now you have your own family." Tony stood in front of her. "We need to take care of our daughter. You can't resurrect your family and you can't go back in time. Life would be a lot easy if we could, but it doesn't work like that. We need to move forward. And you worrying about something that didn't happen isn't moving forward."

She placed her elbows on her knees, and her head fell forward and landed in her hands. "I am not worrying about it, Tony," She paused. They had been together for years, and these conversations still didn't come easy. Admittedly, she - they - had gotten better at them as the time past. "It scares me."

"I know," He murmured, taking a seat beside her opposed to standing in front and towering over her.

"I never used to fear death, or anything to do with it really. I walked head first into danger more times than I can count with the knowledge I may not get out alive. It was just something that could happen and did happen to many people I know. But it is different now," She explained.

"You have something to live for now," He stated, "You didn't have a baby so dependent on you; you didn't need someone to need you alive so much."

He saw her nod, but he didn't miss the single laugh that escaped her. He shot her a questioning look. Last time he checked, they were having a serious, not funny conversation.

"Are you telling me you never wanted me alive?"

"That isn't what I said. Besides, I'm not dependent on you," He said, "I am perfectly capable of caring for myself."

Ziva smiled and nodded.

"Let's just worry about now, not tomorrow, not yesterday. Right now. And right now, we are all safe; you, McGee, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, Palmer, Amber, Vance and his kids and me. We are all okay. Okay." He said. It earned another nod from Ziva, this time it held more conviction. More promise than the previous.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
